i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
