Your mouth is God's brothel.
no you cant smoke seaweed
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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