You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
