just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
