every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
