As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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