they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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