It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
