I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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