420 ftw
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
My ATM looks so different sober.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize