Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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