she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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