Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
