I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
