false alarm. still invincible.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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