now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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