Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
