I feel like I'm in dance class right now
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
