WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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