shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
