just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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