one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
