apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
