all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
