Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
