The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
so much tequila, so little girl.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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