He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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