i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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