eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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