guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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