He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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