When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
i've created a new STD.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
