I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Randomize
