a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
