We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
