In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Of course I have a pirate flag
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
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