I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
