My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
