i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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