You made me cry and you don't even care
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
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