Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I need to align my fucking chakras
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
