Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
false alarm. still invincible.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
