omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
