Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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