Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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