If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
