she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
