He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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