Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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