I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
