apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
