he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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