I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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