John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
