how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
