My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
