i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
