My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize