My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
