Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
