Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
