My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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