My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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