im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
