remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
