he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
