We're facebook friends in real life
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
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