So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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