You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
this hospital has no fireball
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
