I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
