I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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