If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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