I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
