I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
