Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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