the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize